We're Experiencing Collective Trauma. Here's How I Navigate It.

Alison Turkos is a sexual assault survivor and advocate fighting for systemic change. She’s worked in the reproductive health, rights and justice field for 10yrs. She loves Vermont and deeply believes in the value of friendship.

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Since being in COVID19-related isolation, I have seen many folks on social media describe feeling too tired to function, or the opposite reaction in that it’s impossible for them to sleep. In group texts, friends are sharing confusion about their inability to focus or their desire to be productive but it feels impossible for them to get out of bed. We wake up to the news of more people, sometimes our loved ones, who are living with and dying from the virus, abortion appointments are being canceled and reinstated and canceled again, clinics are being shuttered, and still, the work continues. It has been an emotional rollercoaster that none of us consented to be on and we cannot get off.

I understand what so many of you are going through. Not only because I’m also solo-isolating and physical distancing, but because I’m a trauma survivor. 

Right now, many people are experiencing trauma symptoms and their consequence, trauma responses. A traumatic response is what someone might experience after prolonged exposure to traumatic events, for instance, a global pandemic. We’re in the midst of a global pandemic, and that can sometimes feel impossible to fully grasp. When something traumatic happens to you, it shifts how you function and live your life (what something traumatic happens to a loved one, your life often changes, too).

The first time I experienced trauma I was 16. I’ve been responding to trauma for more than half of my life. I’m not a therapist, but sadly I am an unintended trauma expert. Here’s what I’ve learned about managing trauma responses. 

Uncertainty is exhausting.

There’s no certainty right now, and that’s incredibly hard to grasp. No one has the answers or the best next steps, and that can constantly feel like walking through uncharted territory. No matter how many Instagram posts you scroll through, there’s no amount of positivity or affirmations that will resolve this or make us feel 100%. But we keep scrolling anyway, which can bring its own kind of exhaustion -- the constant searching for answers, affirmation, and hope, and never finding quite enough to sate us for more than a few minutes. 

Trauma is exhausting, responding to it all the time is exhausting. That’s why we’re tired all the time. 

Our brains and bodies are on overdrive. 

Our brains are working overtime at the moment. We’re spending every second  trying to keep ourselves, our families, and our communities alive. Wiping down every surface, checking in on ourselves and our families, and ensuring we have access to masks. Before we touch our phone racking our brains trying to remember the last surface we touched. This is exhausting. And we’re doing all this on top of working, or applying for unemployment, caring for our children, maintaining some semblance of routine (cleaning, cooking, laundry, walking the dog), homeschooling, and a million other things. This is why can't we think of that word in the middle of a sentence when it’s RIGHT at the tip of our tongue. Our brains are responding to the moment, constantly. And all of our moments right now are soaked in a global pandemic. 

Then there are the moments when you feel like you physically can’t move. Like it would take a bulldozer to remove you from bed, or the couch. You wanted to complete your to do list today, but you can’t seem to function. After being in constant overdrive your brain doesn’t know what to do next, so it shuts down, and your entire body falls in line. We’re conditioned to be overworked, and right now we’re being pulled in a million directions within the confines of our own homes. 

Your body's choice.

During moments like this, where I’m feeling triggered, and my body feels impossible to move, I always remember the term “body's choice”. The term was introduced to me by the podcast Call Your Girlfriend and defined as: “You let your body decide everything, what you want to eat that day, what you want to drink, how late you want to sleep in. You ask your body, and then it will tell you.” This has always been a grounding principle for me, especially when I’m feeling triggered. I ask my body what it wants and needs, and then I deliver. I always remember that asking for what I need is not being needy. Especially with yourself. So maybe you don’t leave the couch, or bed. Body's choice! Of course that's not always possible when unmoveable deadlines are looming and little ones are screaming, but thinking about this new framework is a way to figure out what you need, ask for support from those around you (if you can!) and care for yourselves.

Managers, this is a great way that you can step in and proactively offer support to your employees—ask them how they're feeling and what their bodies need. It could be taking non-essential work off of their plates or changing their work schedule. Communication is key!

Revisit the familiar.

When I’m in bed or on the couch during times of immense trauma and I feel like I can barely function I have a tendency to lean toward the same Netflix decision. I rewatch Grey’s Anatomy over and over again because my brain is too exhausted to make a decision,it’s comforting, and I know what happens. There are no surprises. When I’m in trauma response mode I can’t handle surprises. I revisit TV shows and movies where I know the ending. It’s soothing to know what’s coming, it’s almost like a security blanket for me. Some may lean more toward comedy or a musical, and a whole lot of you are playing Animal Crossing. Any choice you make is perfect. Oftentimes, in a moment of complete unknowns, it can be helpful to have something where you know the characters' future.

Name that funk.

When I’m having a hard time, when possible, I try to name it for the folks around me. I’ll text my best friend Morgan and tell her I’m “in a funk.” I find that naming what you’re going through and experiencing to the people around you can be very helpful. Letting your community know you may need more time, space, and understanding lets them in. This helps them know they may need to be more gentle with you or check in on a more regular basis. It also sets a boundary to say “I may not be myself, please practice compassion.” This can be hard, but allowing them to care for you is a beautiful thing. 

I also name what’s going on with my therapist. It's helpful for me to frame it on both an individual and global scale. What’s hard for me in my life? What are things I personally can control? What’s happening outside my control, outside my life that’s causing me to feel this way? Talking through those things and having someone to help me reframe and gain perspective is so valuable.

Be gentle.

Practice the same compassion with yourself that you would want your friends to practice with themselves. Be kind with yourself, be gentle, be easy, be slow. Practice forgiveness with yourself. Don’t push yourself. Healing has no timeline, it’s not a linear process. We are all actively mourning and grieving right now. Grieving the loss of people we love, grieving significant changes, grieving current and potential job losses, and so much more. We're doing this while trying to care for those around us and navigate something we have never seen before. That's exhausting and it's a long game. Be kind to yourself and create as much space as you can to heal from this trauma.